I started thinking about my emotions in 2019. Really looking. I felt they were out of whack. Little things would set me off, make me angry, frustrated, disappointed. I had a lot of negative feelings.
Today I know the way I felt was likely rooted in something else. For example, the anger and the disdain I felt for my new boss was centered around not feeling respected, important, listen to, understood, acknowledged. This need for acknowledgment and validation should be fulfilled from within and not be found in others.
I knew it inside but accepting responsibility for my feelings was not happening. Further, I always felt that I needed to be someone else to fit into any given situation. I was always wearing a mask and never really being me my true self. I felt that I would never, could ever be accepted and validated by being my true authentic self.
Taking responsibility for my authentic self, or at least realizing that is what I needed to do, I decided that I needed to grow up at age 45. I need to share my true authentic self, who God meant for me to be, and accept responsibility for my behaviors and feelings without blaming others – not easy, not by a long shot.
Sometimes I do not like myself as I go through this process. Sometimes I see how much I need to grow. But, overall I have learned to give myself Grace and feel the love and acceptance of God and my family and friends.
